


Coming Clean and Kisses on Screen

by hygge



Series: The Howell-Lesters [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Marriage, Newborn Children, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 03:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19142860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hygge/pseuds/hygge
Summary: Dan and Phil are finally ready to make the news of their marriage and their new family public.





	Coming Clean and Kisses on Screen

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is the second installment of "The Howell-Lesters" series. If you haven't read the first part, "Tiny Hands and Wedding Bands", then what are you waiting for? It's full of fluffy newborn goodness! If you have read it, then enjoy the second part!

Oliver was one month old when Dan finally gained the courage. 

The decision wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was something he thought a lot about ever since they first talked to Laura about being their surrogate. While he enjoyed the privacy that he and Phil had over the last few years, it was now getting harder and harder to keep everything behind a curtain. He was done with hiding. And not only did this choice affect him and Phil, but it now also affected Oliver. He didn’t want Oliver to be raised behind a shroud of secrecy. That wasn’t right. He and Phil wanted everyone to know what a precious little son they now had.

He didn’t feel like this was going to be him coming out. All of his friends and family knew that he and Phil were together. As for his audience, there had been too many instances in the past where he hinted at his sexuality in videos or live shows for people to know that he wasn’t straight. Whatever his sexuality was, though, wasn’t important to him. But even if this wasn’t a true coming out video, this was going to be the validation of what the majority of people probably thought already. He saw this as an opportunity to come clean. 

But, he couldn’t do this by himself. He needed Phil’s help. 

Dan found Phil lying on the sofa with their son lying on top of his chest. There was some sort of property show on the television, and Phil seemed to be dozing in and out of sleep. Although they were typically night owls to begin with, having to care for Oliver really changed their already messed up sleeping patterns. They slept any chance they got.

Not wanting to disturb them, Dan grabbed his phone and took a photo of them to capture this moment forever. He won’t post it anywhere, not yet anyway, but it would be something he could look back on whenever he needed. Maybe set it as his lock screen or have it plastered on a billboard. It was such a peaceful and serene thing watching the two of them. His heart was so full that his brain was screaming at him to share this moment with the world to let everyone know how happy he was. He knew then that he made the right choice. 

Before Oliver was born, Dan knew that Phil was apprehensive about whether or not he would be a good dad. He wasn’t one of those people who knew they wanted to be a parent from a young age, like Dan. But now that they were a month into this adventure, Dan has seen how great of a dad Phil was to Oliver. He was kind, and patient, and loving, and Dan wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else. 

Dan carefully and quietly picked Oliver up from Phil’s chest, giving Phil a chance to rest. He tried his best to keep Oliver asleep as well, but the movement woke him up. 

“No, no, no. You were supposed to stay asleep,” Dan whispered as Oliver began to fuss. As they walked out of the lounge, Oliver started to cry. In an attempt to soothe him, Dan rubbed his hand up and down his back. “Shhhh, I’m going to put you down for an actual nap now, okay? There’s no need to cry.”

Dan kissed the top of his head and paced around Oliver’s room until he calmed down. Once he was asleep again, Dan laid him down in his crib, and softly closed the bedroom door.

Being a parent was hard. It was the hardest thing Dan had ever done. It was the ultimate test of patience and love. And Dan couldn’t lie. There were times when he wanted to breakdown out of frustration, not knowing what else Oliver could want and why he kept crying. Luckily, Phil was always by his side to take over, or to call his parents for advice. He couldn’t even imagine how difficult it would be to be a single parent. He couldn’t do this without Phil, that was for sure.

While being a parent was the hardest thing, it was also the most rewarding. Oliver was only a month old, however Dan loved seeing Oliver discover the world around him. He loved seeing his face light up when either he or Phil talked to him. He loved how concentrated he became whenever Dan read a book to him. He loved learning about what made Oliver happy, and he was excited to see him become his own person. 

By the time Dan walked back into the lounge, Phil was awake and stretching on the sofa. 

“Hey, sleepy head,” Dan smiled. 

“What time is it?” Phil asked as he sat up.

“Just past two.” Dan sat on the sofa next to him. “I think I’m ready to post the video.”

“Yeah?”

As much as Dan wanted this video to have the same sardonic feel as the other videos on his channel, he knew the topic was far too serious and monumental for it to feel that way. Instead, he decided to create a montage. Over the past few months, Dan compiled video clips that their audience hadn’t seen before as well as clips that were well known and well loved by their viewers. Although Dan completed the montage weeks ago, it still didn’t feel right. Something was missing. There needed to be something to close out the video and tie any loose ends together. Dan didn’t want to post the video with the last clip of them bringing Oliver home, and then not follow up on any of it. It would be a lot to digest at once, so there needed to be some sort of commentary or outro.

“I want to add something to it, though.”

“What’s that?”

“I wanted the three of us, that’s still so weird to say, to close out the video and say a few things if that’s alright.”

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“Okay good. Also, I don’t really know what to do for the thumbnail. Do you think I should make it a photo of the three of us? Or should I make it a little more mysterious? I don’t want to make it seem like click bait, but I also want people to click on it, you know? Sorry. I’m rambling. I’m just nervous.”

Seeing Dan this apprehensive and unsure about the video reminded Phil a lot of when Dan decided to post his first ever video on YouTube. He sent it to Phil first so he could look it over and give him feedback. But even after Phil told him it was a great first video, Dan still wasn’t convinced. He continued to ask Phil his opinion about certain parts of the video and at one point, he considered scrapping the whole idea. 

Phil reached out his hand and took Dan’s in his. It was a little clammy, probably from Dan’s nerves, so he gave his hand a small reassuring squeeze. He hated seeing Dan anxious. Phil wished he could make all of Dan’s worries go away with the snap of his fingers. Since that wasn’t possible though, he tried his best to be there for Dan whenever he could and to be as supportive as possible.

“Are you sure you still want to do this?”

Dan nodded. “Yeah. It’s not just about us anymore. It’s about him, too. I just need to get over my own shit and do what’s best for him, and what’s best for us.”

Phil brought their entwined hands up to his mouth and kissed the back of Dan’s hand. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

 

Later that day, Dan was finishing setting up the lights and camera in the lounge. He was trying to keep his mind on the task at hand, but it kept wandering to what people’s reaction would be to the video. Before his thoughts turned too negative, Phil walked into the room with Oliver.

“How’s it going?” Phil asked. 

“Good. I’m just about ready. Did he eat?”

“Yup. He’s all nice and sleepy for the video.”

Once Dan hooked up the microphone and double checked all of the settings were correct, he reached for his wedding band when he stopped himself. Oh right. He didn’t need to take his ring off for this video. It was such an automatic thing for him anymore. Whenever he was in front of a camera, whenever he walked outside, the ring came off. After the video was posted, he was going to need to remind himself of what he could freely do without fearing that someone was going to see. They could hold hands in public. They could take Oliver outside beyond their own garden. They could go on date nights. They could hang out with their friends without worrying that someone was filming and going to expose their relationship. They could film videos without having to edit out the parts when they looked like they were too in love or shared a quick kiss. A lot was going to change. 

Phil looked at him from across the room with a puzzled expression as he tried to figure out what was going through Dan’s head. It wasn’t unusual for Dan to stare off into space sometimes, and Phil knew that if Dan wanted to talk about something that he would bring it up on his own, but it didn’t stop Phil from worrying about him. This was a big thing for both of them, although Phil would argue that it was going to be more difficult for Dan than it would be for him. 

From early on in their relationship, Phil knew that Dan wanted to keep the idea of them private. While Phil had no reservations with sharing their relationship with the public, he respected Dan’s wishes. And since they had kept their relationship private for so long, they now had ten years of things to share with their viewers. 

“You okay?” It wasn’t until Phil spoke when Dan realized he zoned out. 

“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about all of the things that will change once this is posted.”

“Are you scared?”

“Not really. Anxious, maybe.” Dan just wanted to get this over with so he could stop worrying about it.

“Did you script anything?”

“No, I just figured we would wing it. I can cut it down if we get too rambly. But, I have an idea of what I want to do first.”

“Oh yeah?”

Dan nodded, but didn’t give Phil any hints. It was something he knew his viewers would absolutely get a kick out of if he ended up using the idea. 

Dan took Oliver from Phil and walked closer to the camera. He crept into the top left corner of the frame with Oliver cradled in his right arm, as he saluted the camera with his left. “Hi.”

Phil immediately fell into a fit of laughter. 

“What better than confronting my biggest fear? My first video.”

“You’re ridiculous. You’re really making our child’s debut to the internet an homage to your cringiest video? Can’t we just hold him up like Simba or something?”

That sent Dan into a fit of laughter as well. “Oh my god. Why are we allowed to care for a child?” Dan took a few deep breaths to calm himself. “Okay, okay. Serious business. Should we just sit on the sofa?” 

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Once they were sat on the sofa, Dan had no idea where to begin. He kept telling himself that this was no different than doing a gaming video, or live show, or anything else that isn’t scripted. The hardest part was starting. 

“So…” Dan finally began. “Bet you weren’t expecting that.”

“Surprise?”

“Let’s be honest. Half of you probably wished for this video on every upload we’ve done for the past five years. But now finally felt like the right time to do this.”

“We’re so in love with him that we couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. We needed to share him with the world, and share us with the world as well.”

“So, we would like to introduce you to Oliver James Howell-Lester.”

“Say hello to the internet.” Phil reached over and gently took Oliver’s hand, waving it back and forth slightly in an attempt not to wake him, while making a conscious effort to also show his wedding band to the camera. 

“He just ate, so he’s sleepy, which is a big mood.” Dan looked down at Oliver in his arms and smiled at his slightly parted lips. 

“He’s just over a month old, his favorite things are eating and sleeping, and we just love him a lot.”

“I hope this explains why we’ve been a bit absent from the internet recently.”

“We’ve been a little busy.”

“A little busy being happy.” Dan glanced over at Phil and shared a smile with him. “We’re not going anywhere, nothing content-wise is changing, we’re just taking a step back to focus on him.”

“So really… expect Dan’s normal upload schedule.”

Dan rolled his eyes, while Phil laughed.

“Anyway, we wanted to give you a teeny little life update. Nothing too big like new merch or something. Don’t get crazy now.” 

“We didn’t want to throw a total bombshell out there.”

“So, yeah. I’m sure you’ll be seeing more of this guy whether it’s on here or on Instagram. You can subscribe to either, or both of us, to see what sort of adventures we get up to since I’m sure there will be no shortage of those. We’re going to catch up on some sleep and we’ll see you next time. Bye.”

Once Dan finished talking, Phil placed his hand under Dan’s chin and leaned in to kiss him. Before the kiss became too heated, Dan lifted his hand to the camera to block them from view.

“Should we cut that out?” Phil asked after they pulled apart. He couldn’t even begin to count how many times they asked each other that question. Most of the time, the answer was yes, since they didn’t want their viewers speculating any more than they already were. But, he had a feeling that this video was going to change that moving forward. Once this video was posted, they didn’t have to be as careful and paranoid as they once were. 

“Nah, let’s keep it in,” Dan smiled. “I think it’ll be a good thing to end on.”

 

 

Once Oliver was put to sleep for the night, or at least for a few hours before he woke up crying, Dan finished editing the video. He was proud of it. While it wasn’t like his other videos, he knew this was a video he would come back to every now and then just to make him smile. 

“Do you want to watch it before I post it?” Dan called over to Phil, who walked over to the desk Dan was sitting at.

The video was called ‘Meet the Howell-Lesters’. The thumbnail Dan chose was a photo of himself, Phil, and Oliver the day he was born. It was probably one of Phil’s favorite photos. They were both sitting on the hospital sofa that was in Laura’s room. Dan, who was smiling at the camera, was holding a swaddled Oliver in his arms, while Phil smiled down at Oliver and was caressing his cheek with his finger. Phil made a mental note to get that photo framed so they could hang it up somewhere in the apartment. It was too precious not to. 

Phil clicked on the video and it began playing.

The twenty-minute video started with a clip from the first Phil is not on fire. The clip of Dan saying ‘this is the most fun I’ve ever had’ with Phil subsequently tackling him, was a clip well loved by their viewers. But, Dan added the uncut version of it, where after they sat back up, Phil kissed Dan on the cheek. The rest of the video continued in that way. There were clips from their videos, but they all included the pieces that were edited out— the kisses, the ‘I love you’s. But, there were also some things that had never been posted online. There were clips from when Phil proposed to Dan in 2014, their wedding, their honeymoon in Japan, and bringing Oliver home for the first time. 

“It’s incredible,” Phil said once the video ended. Seeing their entire relationship in one video like this made tears well up in Phil’s eyes. It was a lot. They had accomplished so much in the last ten years, and he could only imagine what the next ten years would bring. 

“Are you ready to do this?” Dan asked.

“I think the better question is, are you ready?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.” Well, he was as ready as he could be. It had taken him ten years to get to this point, and he still wasn’t one hundred percent ready. But, it was something that needed to be done. He had waited long enough.

Dan could feel his heart pounding in his chest as his cursor hovered over the button. He took a deep breath, clicked the button to make the video public, and there it was. The video was up for everyone to see. Now, everyone knew that he was no longer Daniel Howell, but Daniel Howell-Lester. And they also knew that he and Phil now had the most adorable child. It was surreal. He quickly posted the link on Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook before closing the browser. 

Dan stood up from the desk chair and faced Phil. “Well, there we go. It’s up.”

“Now, should we celebrate with some Dominos?”

Dan smiled. “You know me too well.”

Phil also knew all too well that if he didn’t get Dan away from the computer that he would be obsessively refreshing the video every couple of seconds to see how people were reacting. And that wasn’t healthy. He needed to give Dan a distraction so he could forget about that for a little while. Dan had done enough worrying about the video as it was. 

 

 

Phil was in a weird half asleep, half awake state when Dan got up around 1AM to check on Oliver. He could hear some rustling through the baby monitor on the nightstand, but didn’t pay much mind to it until he heard Dan talking. Phil sat up a little in bed and leaned toward the monitor in order to hear better.”

“I know you can’t even understand a word I’m saying, but I want to thank you,” Dan started. “Without you, I don’t think I would have been able to post that video today. I’ve always been too scared. Too scared of what people would say, or what it would do to my career. But when you came along, I knew that had to change. I would do anything for you, even if that includes facing my biggest fears. I didn’t want you to grow up as this big secret that your papa and I had to keep from the world. What kind of a life would that be? We wouldn’t be able to go anywhere or do anything in fear of someone seeing us. And I want to teach you that you shouldn’t be afraid of what other people are going to think of you. Because I found that it only held me back. 

“And your papa, he’s the greatest, isn’t he? He’s always been extremely patient with me. He would have posted that video ten years ago if it was up to him. But, he waited until I was ready. And it makes me wonder why I didn’t do this sooner. Although, I haven’t checked the video since I posted it. All of the comments on it could be negative for all I know. But honestly? I don’t even know if I would care all that much if they were. I mean, sure, it would hurt a little bit, but at the end of the day, all that matters is you and your Papa. That’s it. You two are my world.” 

Phil could feel his heart swell in love and admiration. How he got so lucky as to be with Dan, he’d never know. But every day he was grateful that he found someone who understood him on all levels. 

Since he was awake and no longer in a half-asleep state, Phil put on his glasses, grabbed his phone, and decided to check on how the video was doing. It had been about six hours since it was posted, and neither of them had checked on the video since. When it loaded, Phil’s mouth dropped. He couldn't believe it. He knew Dan was going to be shocked when he saw it. 

He looked up from his phone when Dan entered the room again. While the room was dark, Phil could see Dan yawning before he got back into bed.

“That was quite the speech,” Phil said.

“You could hear that? Sorry, I was trying to be quiet.”

“Baby monitor.”

“Oh. Right.”

They were silent for a few seconds as Phil thought of how he wanted to bring up the topic of the video. 

“I checked the video.”

“Yeah?” Dan looked at Phil apprehensively. This was the moment of truth. This was the moment where he would learn if this video ruined his career, or strengthened it. God, how he wished it was the latter. Even though all that mattered at the end of the day was Phil and Oliver, like he had said to Oliver just a few minutes prior, Dan had nothing to fall back on as a second career. He didn’t want to lose all he had just because he finally told everyone the truth about himself and Phil. 

A smile spread across Phil’s face as he spoke. “Number one on trending. Two million views. Three hundred thousand likes. One hundred thousand comments, ninety-nine percent of which are positive. And it’s only been six hours. They loved it, Dan.”

Phil handed his phone to Dan so he could see for himself. Dan squinted at the sudden bright light, but once his eyes focused, he could see the staggering numbers. Phil was right. They loved it. He scrolled down to the comments and started to read.

 

_‘im actually sobbing right now. im so happy for you. congrats guys’_

_‘I’ve never seen them happier. LOOK AT THEM. They’re GLOWING.’_

_‘I love you guys so much. You guys are going to be great parents.’_

_‘OUR DADS ARE ACTUAL DADS. AND HUSBANDS. I CANT GHEISOGHOSHGO’_

_‘ive watched this five times already and im still shook!’_

_‘omg hes so cute! and what better people to be his parents than the two best role models i know!’_

 

As he read through the comments, Dan could feel tears threatening to spill. They were starting to blur his vision as he tried to blink them away. It was such a relief not only to have this video up for everyone to see, but to see such positive reactions to it as well. He expected to see some negativity like with all of his videos, but the positive comments only continued as he scrolled.

 

_‘The way they both look at Oliver! My heart!’_

_‘This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us ❤️’_

_‘I just got to the proposal and I’m sobbing. EDIT: I GOT TO THE END AND IM SOMEHOW CRYING MORE’_

_‘does dil know about this? jk congrats! i wish you a lifetime of happiness.’_

_‘show me a better love story than this. ill wait.’_

_‘Welcome to the world Oliver! You probably know this already, but your parents are the nicest, funniest, and greatest people on the planet. We love them a lot. And we love you a lot.’_

 

He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Dan covered his mouth and let out a sob, allowing the tears to freely stream down his face. He felt relief, happiness, gratefulness, love, and hopefulness all at once. It was overwhelming. 

“C’mere bear,” Phil murmured. Dan cuddled up to Phil and buried his face in Phil’s shirt. Phil’s arms wrapped around him and ran his fingers up and down Dan’s back. 

“I’m so happy,” Dan choked after a minute or so. “We did it.”

“No, you did it. And I’m so proud of you.”


End file.
